It could happen to you....I just love this theatre...it's in my 'hood.

Inspiration…how can I get inspired for creating a makeup look?

Doing a collage on one wall of my apartment, the one where I am not able to hang stuff because it is the one wall of my apartment that is made of cinderblocks. Putting on my shoes and seeing 2 entire bookshelves filled with fashion magazines in stacks...hmmm…you thinking what I’m thinking?

Collage! Collage! Collage! It will take me a little while I have to discipline myself and my own short attention span to inspire to do that. I LOVE making collage from fashion magazines and have for years. Just ask Jenn and Justin, they have many a collage of mine nearly 15 years old from old Vogues! They’re works of art to me and fun to look at the evolution of the supermodels, and how nowadays you have to be a glam magazine fanatic to even know their names and keep up with who is in campaigns (it bothers me that a model of African-American/Korean heritage like Chanel Iman has yet to land a campaign other than Ralph Lauren, and last year she was the most hailed as a member of the newest crop of supermodels. I see all of the other ones, but not her. C’mon people! Her ethnicity plus being born in the USA to me proves how diverse this country is! Get with it!!).

First I have to set aside a time to begin delicately removing pages from the bindings of the magazines and place face up which picture strikes my fancy. I have piles of them, all from the last 2 years, and that will take me awhile: various editions of Vogue from the USA and other countries (the ones from Russia, will stay intact...too unique, as well as the one from Japan, though I may decide to take out an ad our two that will not be missed at all) as well as issues of W, Nylon, Allure, and Harper’s Bazaar. I think that Anna Wintour needs to retire from Vogue as editor, because American Vogue is really starting to look dated. The 90’s are when that magazine really was a shiny example of art…but then again, it isn’t her fault that Helmut Newton is dead. Also can we just finally have a fashion magazine that doesn’t do such in depth celebrity coverage? Don’t the tabloids and Vanity Fair do enough in that respect? I must be spewing out a revolution battle cry!

In the end, there are inspiration points all over a wall that I will never neglect to see as they will be my own personal art installation to an otherwise DREARY wall. It will take awhile, but it will be a helluva lotta fun!

Then there is of course writing about my life and trying to get it published.

Where do I even begin on that? The only thing I have somewhat accomplished, and somewhat being a broad term; is the cover of the book itself. How can that be? How can I only have the cover thought up? Shouldn’t the cover represent what is inside the book, and not the author? But between those pages would be what I have been accused as my favourite subjects: myself and smack about the people I know. How else would it be interesting? Enemies (meaning other people or I could use myself as my own enemy), friends, and observations on life constitutes something worth reading? I seriously would have no idea where to begin, how the layout/outline of the book would be….though Liz did once tell me that reading the book “Disco Bloodbath” (aka “Party Monster”) was like listening to me talk (a great compliment, even if the book isn’t Shakespeare!). Hmm…where do I begin? There is a whole world of potential out there and the mirror ball spinning in my mind cannot stop at just anyplace.

For instance, I spent all that money on a fabulous digital camera and I still have yet to put it into worthwhile use. I need to make a commitment to myself to go out and take a zillion pictures of Portland and post them. I have been brainstorming on that, and thinking about doing an entry about Gay and Lesbian history of Portland. Luckily I have been around long enough to remember what the old gay scene was like before the gentrification of the last 8 years and what it has done as far as property goes…hmm…that gives food for thought.

All this sounds fine and dandy, but I cannot get that inspired when my friend Michelle has been in and out of the hospital for over the past month with her ongoing issues with her stomach, and the surgery that she had that should have taken care of that. Poor darling cannot keep anything down, and when I have seen her she’s just in so much pain and suffering, which doesn’t make things any easier when told that she might have to have a shunt put into her neck so she can feed herself intravenously for the rest of her life. That in of itself worries me, because she says that she would rather be dead than live that way. Understandable, but scary when one of the 2 people who have been your best friends (Trina being the other) just wants to give up and end it all. I wouldn’t be in the place (state of mind or well being) I am now if it wasn’t for Michelle and Trina and all of the laughter and memories we forged together in the last 2 years. I learned so much about friendship and selflessness from them, and they have become family to me. If one of us is a mess, you can sure as hell guarantee that the other two will be right there to wipe the chin or give the shoulder to cry on, roll a joint and just breathe to get the world in our minds back on track. What a trio of crazies we are, and how odd when seeing us together: Me just being myself, Trina being stuck in 1987 and refusing to acknowledge that it is 2008, and Michelle and her Pentecostal ways and a beautiful strength in her faith…yes, it doesn’t get any weirder than us, but I admire so much in those two. Never a dull moment seriously, we laugh so much it hurts. I think I finally learned in life that what before I took as a weakness or an annoyance, was in reality quite beautiful and refreshing.

Coming out of a darkness of wanting to die myself does that to a person.

I just don’t want for her to give up. My family of friends; each and every one of them in the last 2 years of my sobriety have had to deal with their own troubles and I’m sure my overzealous enthusiasm might be irritating, but it is only because I spent so long taking, and forgetting to give back. It is time to come into the spirit of compassion. I love my blood family, but I was blessed with them at conception. That never changes. But the people you acquire as each day passes, you have battles and fights but seriously when the day is done and over I would be foolish to say that I dislike any of them (no matter how they drive me nuts with their own foibles). Even the last 6 months has been wonderful because certain people have come back into my life in the now, and before I would have told them to fuck off. Liz is an excellent example. You bet she could call me up in an emergency “Kissy, I am doing this event and I just cannot decide about makeup…” and I’d insist she get her ass over to my place, I’ll put the kettle on and make some homebrew tea, put on some tunes and let the creativity begin. We never needed to even go anywhere, all that was needed were the three basic tools for fun: music, makeup, and a digital camera. She’d be the first to agree I am sure (I hope!) with me in this respect. But in our own personal flaws we became so jaded that we forgot that part of the fun, life just throws you a curveball sometimes.

Le sigh. It’s not even 9pm on a Friday night and life finds me in my apartment listening to Bessie Smith, and blogging away. No complaints really. I’ve got all the medical marijuana I need, oodles of different types of tea, and 8 days worth of music on my iPod.

And leftover shrimp and tofu homemade PadThai

The sky is the limit.